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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Kiru Banzai's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, February 25th, 2004
11:06 pm
tell the northern lights to keep shining
When I started livejournalling, it was because a girl I liked told me I should.

I could say it helped (notice the past tense) me work through some stuff in my life. But it didn't, really.

I met some nice people because of it. But the fact is, I'm not planning to update this again.

You all have fun. Be happy, if it suits you. Don't be if it doesn't.

Good night.

(6 colonists | terraform my thoughtmeats)

Sunday, February 15th, 2004
9:44 pm

You know I'm right.

(2 colonists | terraform my thoughtmeats)

Tuesday, January 27th, 2004
1:16 pm
from some old dried-up fried forgotten town
Cybergen character sheet, thus far:

Trev

Age: 17
Height: 5'5"
Weight: 130 lbs
Hair: Brown
Eyes: Brown
Yogang: Squat

Intelligence-6
Reflexes-7
Cool-4
Technical Ability-2
Luck-8
Attractiveness-2
Movement-7
Empathy-3
Body Type-6


Streetfighting-7
Thief Stuff-4
Jockstuff-2
Get a Clue-5
Blend-4
Genspeak-4
Streetsmarts-8
Fearless Leader-4
Schoolin'-1
GoGo-1
Little Angel-2
Scrounge-7

Things:
knife,
crowbar,
20 trashbags,
sleeping bag.

(terraform my thoughtmeats)

Friday, January 23rd, 2004
9:39 pm
cinderella sweeping up
Okay, a little background. A month or two ago, my roommate comes out to me. Today, she told me she's in love with me. Which would be peachy, except I'm not all that attracted to her, and I think a relationship with someone I already live with would be undeniably awkward. I told her I had reservations and needed time to think about it, and now she's crying quietly under the covers.

Can anyone advise me on this?

(4 colonists | terraform my thoughtmeats)

Wednesday, January 7th, 2004
7:49 am
tailbone broken. hurts.

(1 colonist | terraform my thoughtmeats)

Monday, January 5th, 2004
8:34 am
videoclip fell pony
I'm often fascinated by the casual beauty and strangeness of the world around me. In that spirit, I present to you a new art form:

Freeform Pornetry.

Only On The Internet!

(terraform my thoughtmeats)

Saturday, January 3rd, 2004
7:30 pm
out in the West Texas town of El Paso
Well, I'm wretchedly miserable.

And you?

(terraform my thoughtmeats)

Monday, December 22nd, 2003
12:39 am
in the world I see
I figured it out.

See, if I can just keep topping myself in everything I do, forever, I will never die.

I will only ascend.

(terraform my thoughtmeats)

Saturday, December 20th, 2003
5:00 pm
bored of the rings
*** You have joined channel: #sluagh
*** Topic for #sluagh: War is Peace - Freedom is Slavery - Ignorance is Strength
*** Topic for #sluagh set by {Moogle} on Sunday, November 23, 2003 5:02:59 PM
#sluagh: KiruBanzai Eviliza PatPandaHat CutGlass fadethecat
*** End of /NAMES list.
*** Signoff: PatPandaHat (Quit: PatPandaHat)
*** Signoff: fadethecat (Quit: fadethecat)
KiruBanzai: aw.
KiruBanzai: I liked Pat and fade.
KiruBanzai: and now they have fallen into sheadeayouw.
the_fiend: shed of shadow
the_fiend spits
the_fiend: ....
the_fiend: i don't know why i did that...
CutGlass: Bah!
CutGlass: Stupid computers.
CutGlass: I need to disconnect to do something.
CutGlass: Will be back as soon as possible.
*** Signoff: CutGlass (Quit: You win again, gravity! - Capt. Zap Brannigan)
KiruBanzai waits with bated breath for CG's return
the_fiend: bated?
the_fiend: educational for flying rodentia
KiruBanzai: bated.
KiruBanzai: the correct spelling.
KiruBanzai: meaning "held," rather than "set with traps."
KiruBanzai: as in abated.
KiruBanzai: 'bated.
the_fiend: baited.
KiruBanzai slaps fiend with a herring
KiruBanzai: bated.
the_fiend: like norman....
KiruBanzai: correct.
KiruBanzai: Or Kathy.
the_fiend: night ngiht
the_fiend: see people later...
the_fiend: god... i haven't slept in over 25 housr....
the_fiend: ... hours. not houses.....
the_fiend: ....
the_fiend: ...
*** Signoff: Eviliza (Quit: Eviliza)
the_fiend: i have to leave before i shame myself more so....
*** Signoff: the_fiend (Quit: http://cookie.sorcery.net/~ircd_/javachat/)
KiruBanzai: we're alone now, my love.
KiruBanzai: Yes, Precious.
KiruBanzai: filthy Sluavians.
KiruBanzai: once we kills them, then we takes it, Precious.
KiruBanzai: Takes what?
KiruBanzai: the channel.
KiruBanzai: yes, Precious, yes!
KiruBanzai: And then we be the ops.
KiruBanzai: and then we has the precious.
KiruBanzai: Wait, I thought I was the precious.
KiruBanzai: What?
KiruBanzai: Well, you keep calling me Precious, is all.
KiruBanzai: That's a verbal tic.
KiruBanzai: It comes from only speaking to the Precious for many years.
KiruBanzai: What about the multiple-personality disorder thing?
KiruBanzai: Um...
KiruBanzai: Well, I guess we have Ring-Induced MPD.
KiruBanzai: Whatever it says, Precious.
KiruBanzai: Filthy Smeagol.
KiruBanzai: It has dreams about the fat hobbit, it does.
KiruBanzai: No! We never!
KiruBanzai: Yes it does, we saw it!
KiruBanzai: shut up!
KiruBanzai: You shut up!
KiruBanzai: You're the only one talking!
KiruBanzai: YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE HERE!
KiruBanzai: quiet!
KiruBanzai: ...
KiruBanzai: what's that?
KiruBanzai: ...
KiruBanzai: the wind...

(3 colonists | terraform my thoughtmeats)

Tuesday, December 16th, 2003
9:27 pm
drilling a hole with my soul in the sand
Yestereve I dreamt I was in Hell.

It was midsummer, dawn. The light was breaking over the capital city of Dys, making the marble and sandstone glow sodium orange and gold. It was the first day of the Festival of Eve. I was walking through the marketplace and looking at the stalls. On a platform high above, Lucifer was reviewing the artisans' contributions to the festival. One had constructed glass peppers in honor of the fruit Eve had eaten, reasoning that as it was not truly an apple, it could be anything. A frustrated artist tried to explain to Lucifer with forceful hand gestures that her entry of several bowls of milk and water was really in the spirit of the festival, and that they really represented the woman herself. Lucifer bade her be still, touched her shoulder, and told her that she was the most important artist in the entire exhibition. And though it was evident that he told every artist this, it was a wonderful gesture, filled with the love that was all around in the air.

Enjoying this atmosphere to no end, I continued through the marketplace until I fell in step with an Australian woman, who showed me a picture in her guidebook of a planet rotating in space. She explained that Hell was a planet untouched by treaty or trade with other worlds, one that had been left completely free. We passed a stall selling vegetable capybaras, and I pointed them out and asked her if she knew what they were. She did, and we bought one to share for lunch.

It was wonderful to visit Hell, and I hope one day to go back there.

(terraform my thoughtmeats)

Sunday, December 14th, 2003
10:28 am
you kill my cat you break my balls
jeez...it's been a while. So what is new with me? I have taken to shunning the light, not straying from my room for more than an hour a day. Eating happens on the occasions when I remember it, sometimes up to twice a day. Productivity in classes has dropped off or vanished entirely. A giant pile of laundry mounts in the corner. People's faces look strange and ugly when I see them in the light. Companionship is loathesome and unappealing. My greatest fear is being recognised and spoken to on the occasions when I go outside, so I make those as infrequent as possible. Yesterday all I had to eat was a pop tart from the vending machine and some candy the RA left at my door. Roommate has become at turns unreasonable and irritating. Have developed a morbid fear of touching anything she has touched.

Comic productivity is through the roof. I'm looking at freakin' daily here.

I think it would be nice if I had some kind of drug habit I could ascribe this to.

(5 colonists | terraform my thoughtmeats)

Sunday, November 30th, 2003
10:13 pm
flimsy as it is it's open mike punk rock
My nightshirt smells like a turkey dinner. My jeans smell like an airport. My dorm room smells like a dorm room.

And me? Well, I smell like me, I suppose.

So that's all right.

(terraform my thoughtmeats)

Thursday, November 27th, 2003
1:26 am
they all cut their thumbs and bleed into the buns
Ah. What holiday could be more American than Thanksgiving? At once a celebration of genocide and an excuse for gluttony, and an appeal to God, Thanksgiving affords one the opportunity to:
• become gender socialized either with Mom and Grandma in the kitchen, or with Dad & Uncle Bob in the living room watching the Lions/Bears game.
• get raging drunk and tell all your relatives what you *really* think of them
• bandy about the term "tryptophan" in order to sound more knowledgeable about why eating a third of a turkey makes you sleepy, and, of course,
•smuggle back a large percentage of your comics.

I have chosen the latter course of action.

There's something about flying that turns me all poetical. Catching a glimpse of my sodium-jeweled city out the port window, shining into the inky night as though it were underwater. My own Atlantis. And I knew then that as I grew older and stayed away from her, this city would fall away from me, slowly, and I would no longer know her curves and alleyways. Sharp memories would blur and broaden and be replaced, stores in a strip mall, ever changing. It would fall away from me, slowly, inexorably, as all my loves have, or will.

slipping through my fingers...

Sometimes writing is less like making shit up and more like archaeology. You take a stick and stab randomly somewhere into the vast Utah of your mind, and you hit something harder than stone. The more you work at it, the more there is to uncover. The more dust to brush away, revealing a line you never could have seen before...she didn't stop falling when she hit the ground. Then you cloak the skeleton in flesh, color and shape and sound and texture. And maybe if you're so lucky, it comes alive for you. Or for someone.

Anyway, those are the times that I like.

(3 colonists | terraform my thoughtmeats)

Monday, November 24th, 2003
9:09 pm
her palm is split
I figured it out. It's not that no one told me to stop. It's the snakes.

The fucking snakes.

(my finger is doing it again. I'm going to get simmed.)

(terraform my thoughtmeats)

Sunday, November 23rd, 2003
11:28 am
I don't despise the endless time it takes to realize
Kiru Banzai's Dream Of Ridiculous Complexity

So before I went to sleep I was musing about how I never had Roxy dreams, except for that one time. Anyway, there was this big group of us trekking through the wilderness, and it came up that we wouldn't have enough food for the winter and had to vote one or more of us away. We wrote down our names on pieces of paper and everyone went around and signed off on the papers of people they wanted to stay. I ended up getting the signatures of everyone, even though I couldn't run fast, and the girl who was voted off was my classmate in Japanese, Jen. A couple of other girls left too, apparently in a huff for Jen, so it was just me and four or so guys, one of whom was Poet. I, being Roxy, was trying to figure out how to have sex with him using the four or so six-sided dice I had with me. Long story short, he refused, as it would be exhausting, and he had to fly around all the next day. Did I mention he was also Superman? Burne got into this town that was weirdly full of all these people with animal heads, and everyone was staring at her because it was raining and she smelled like a wet donkey. Anyway there's a break here, possibly caused by the phone ringing at five fucking thirty in the morning, and then I'm at a high school where this somewhat morose friend of mine shakes up a bottle of soda and it explodes all over the bleachers in the gym. This is a big deal for some reason, possibly all the glass. I got into an elevator with my mother, who was disappointed for me throwing the bottle, even though I hadn't, and swore blind that I would never do such a thing, and that in fact the boy who had done it was coming forward to the authorities, only no one believed him because it was a "cool" prank that all the football players wanted to take credit for. Then we were in the L.A. Hot Topic, watching the astonishing Rorschach-like ceiling display and trying to comfort this stupid popular girl. I took a necklace off the rack and told her to pray once for every bead on it, but instead she became obsessed with Invader Zim and tried to recreate Zim's underground lair. I think that was about all.

(terraform my thoughtmeats)

Wednesday, November 19th, 2003
10:49 pm
women watched him with amaze
Posting just to stay on the radar. I don't like to draw crowd scenes, or bricks, or dreadlocks, anything that's just the same thing over and over again. No patience. Have to work on that. Also should work on dreaming things that relax me, rather than put me further out of joint.

Registration tomorrow. If I don't get into an art class I'm going to snap someone's collarbones.

(1 colonist | terraform my thoughtmeats)

Tuesday, November 18th, 2003
9:02 am
I am living on Channel Z
My GOD, I had an excellent dream last night. It was doomsday. Posting from IRC because of the lazy.

KiruBanzai It's often doomsday in my dreams. The earth's magnetic poles were going to reverse, or there was going to be a massive gravity readjustment or something. Anyway there was a large chance that everyone would die.
KiruBanzai My parents & I filed into the shelter nearest our home, which happened to be in the cafeteria of my old elementary school.
KiruBanzai there was this huge crowd of people standing in the main part, and we were in this little foyer section looking out over them. Suddenly everyone was lifted off their feet and thrown to the ground in this little blast wave.
KiruBanzai everything shook for a minute, then was still. We were all alive.
KiruBanzai We went out to a cafe to celebrate, and that's where I saw my dead grandmother.
bv728 Was she naked?
KiruBanzai She wasn't aware tht she was dead, of course. She was happy and vibrant, just exactly as she hadn't been before she died.
KiruBanzai bv: dunno.
KiruBanzai I felt that I had to explain that she was dead, and it made her break down and cry.
KiruBanzai So here I am, comforting my dead grandmother that no one else can see in the middle of this cafe.
bv728 That sucks.
KiruBanzai I felt that I had to do some investigation about why I had this strange new power to talk to the dead.
KiruBanzai So I took the blindfolded skull of my grandfather and set out across the crowd, looking for the dead.
|<-- CutGlass has left irc.sorcery.net (Quit: You win again, gravity! - Capt. Zap Brannigan)
KiruBanzai Eventually I found this little, blindfolded, extremely blonde boy. I asked him if he was dead, and he answered me like a child.
KiruBanzai His father came along and picked him up. His father was a very young blond man wearing anachronistic clothes, and it was then that I realized we were in the seventeenth century and everyone used magic.
KiruBanzai I asked the man whether he had seen any of the dead, and showed him the skull of my grandfather, which was rapidly shrinking because all the demons in hell wanted a piece of his soul. He showed me the blue skull of his sister, and I percieved that we were of a kind.
{Moogle} and went bowling?
KiruBanzai Noticing his blond hair, I speculated aloud that he resembled a Luthor, the powerful magic-using family that controlled everything at this time, and that had probably manufactured the doomsday crisis for their own profit.
KiruBanzai But then, I told him, "you couldn't be a Luthor." He looked miffed. "Why not?" "Because you still have a soul."
KiruBanzai (sorry about the cheesey dialogue there. I am quoting.)
KiruBanzai "Tell me, how did your son come to be blinded?" I asked him, and there was this sudden scene change to a ship docked in the bottom of a cave.
{Moogle} the batcave...
{Moogle} have you been reading 1602 at all?
KiruBanzai "I am an Irish Jew by birth," he told me, "and a thief." Scenes of him robbing the ship. "In those days I used magic and theft and gold and sex interchangeably." Scenes of him attempting to escape the ship, but getting caught.
KiruBanzai Yep.
KiruBanzai This is mostly Quicksilver, though.
KiruBanzai When he's caught this young blonde slightly pregnant girl comes up to him and starts berating him for dishonoring her.
KiruBanzai And that's where I woke up.
KiruBanzai It was the freakin' alarm clock, I tell you.

(terraform my thoughtmeats)

Sunday, November 16th, 2003
10:37 am
as if I never noticed the way she brushed her hair from her forehead
You can tell the way she thinks by the way she moves; light & hesitant, on the balls of her feet, bouncing, rocking. She's more likely to suddenly change direction than not. She'll decide to go to the door, look back at the bed, and move like a comet, bouncing from one end of her orbit to the other until the gravity of the room finally shakes her loose.

The rain chats against my window pane. A long silence, followed by a frenetic burst of what sounds exactly like typing.

I wonder who she is talking to.

(2 colonists | terraform my thoughtmeats)

Wednesday, November 12th, 2003
11:21 pm
guaglione guaglione
Well, that took an assload of time. Computer hanging all the damn time, things that could go wrong doing so. And for what? For Hecuba? What's Hecuba to me, or me to Hecuba, that I should weep for her?

Bitch.

And, yes, this is to remind you that I have a webcomic.

(3 colonists | terraform my thoughtmeats)

Tuesday, November 11th, 2003
4:52 pm
lotta water under the bridge; lotta other stuff too
It's a jolt to realize, once again, that I've locked myself out of my own mind since early childhood. The denizens of Kiru's Braintown instituted a boy's club, put up a no girls allowed sign. No girls, no high school students when I'm a high school student, no college students when I'm a college student. Nothing that resembles my life may pass the lips of my fantasy life. I even dream in the third person, more often than not.

I don't really identify with me.

Current Mood: short

(terraform my thoughtmeats)

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